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Monday, 07 February 2011

Hey Xanga,

I know it has been awhile (since October). Just update on "how's life?". One word: Great. I think this has been my best year so far. I'm finally having a good time and enjoying things. Though there may be a few trembles here and there, other things overpower the negative. I ended 2010 great, and received the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. I'm not gonna say what it is, but I guess you can figure. I met a wonderful guy. And as cliche and it may sound, he's everything I've ever wanted in a person. I can go on all day about why he's in my life, but I don't wish to bore those reading this (no one uses Xanga anymore anyway). His name is Eric Phu. He has made me a better person. I'm not even going to question myself, but I love him.

School has been stressful with both grades and the social circle, but I pull myself through. I hate school for it's diversity of stupidity. Girls that I'm clearly not interested being involved with decide to somehow lure me into their stupid drama circle and make my life much harder than it needs to be. By calling me words such as "slut" or "lesbian", they think that can convince me to leave the guy they like alone. No. Fucking. Way. He doesn't even like you.
The thing I hate about high school is the stupid, manipulative ways that people use to get what they want, such as shit talking, beating people up, having stupid competitions, and gossiping. At times like those, I just want to drop out and just start working at a sweatshop. I don't fucking care.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Sometimes, things just get better and better.

Update since like January or so -_-

Junior year has been the most difficult year for me so far. Although there's a seemingly overabundance of homework to do, I did have fun. Up to this point this year, I've changed quite a bit. Just months ago, ending a minor relationship with a person made me realize that there's so much more to do in life that to just "find the other half". Honestly, I've felt like I have wasted so much time pursuing people rather than my grades. Though it didn't have much of an effect on it, I found that thinking about a materialized object, with a reward behind it, was so much more satisfying to think about than a love life. In grades, you work for it and you get it. In love, no matter how hard you make it work, it just never seems to work. There's so much more to life at this age than just this so-called "love" teenagers like me go through.

In May, I took the World History AP exam. According to [I guess you can say, a couple of friends], it's one of the most difficult AP exams. I thought I failed it. Holding the Collegeboard letter in my hand, I was nervous, but yet expected to see the number 1 or 2. As I opened it, my hand almost slipped. I didn't know why I was so nervous when I expected to fail it anyway. I scoured around for a 1 or 2. I didn't see any one of those two numbers. Instead, I saw a 3. It's barely passing compared to a 4 or a 5, but hey, I expected worse! I passed an AP exam I thought I failed!

It's currently 6:07AM in the morning. My mom drops me off at school around 6:35AM so she can go to work. I guess I better get ready. Nice to see you again, Xanga!
Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? If so, what are you dressing up as?

At first, I custom-made my own Mad-Hatter top hat so I could dress up as the Mad-Hatter from Alice In Wonderland. Usually, I dress up according to how my personality is. I guess you can say I'm pretty mad or psycho (as my friends say so), and being that I have a mental disorder, I thought it would kinda fit me. Oh btw, I have no idea what the storyline of Alice In Wonderland is about. I just like how the characters dress. I chose Mad-Hatter because I would think he would be a little mental with his hair and all. I love how the characters dress in the movie and book. Thing is, the Alice costume is overrated, because literally EVERYONE wears it every year at my school. So anyway, I was going to dress up for Mad-Hatter, but given the amount of time available with homework, studying, band, and other activities, I just didn't have the time to make or purchase a costume. Or maybe I was too lazy.
Last year, I was the joker. I swear that was the best costume ever, because in many ways, I do fit the humor of a joker. I'm always poking fun at people, tackling them, making jokes, etc. So guess what I'm going to be this year? Yup, a Joker again.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Monday, 04 January 2010

lessons in life

As a new decade approached, I began to reflect upon my years as a young child to a teenager. Over the years, I have learned many great lessons in life, but the ones that truly impacted my life and made me the way I am to this day are the ones that will develop the person I will become. Devastation, experiences, and stories from loved ones have taught me to apply their stories into my own life for the better.

In the middle of December, my uncle passed away, leaving a hole in his and my entire family's hearts. From youth, my uncle has watched both me and my sister grow up, and has even done construction to improve my parent's house when they first bought it. However, my uncle was a drinker and a smoker. Just last year, he suffered from cancer in his digestive system, and eventually had to get his kidney removed through surgery. Immediately after recovery, he returns back to work only to leave a scar on his tissues, so he went through surgery again to remove a mass that formed in his intestines. Because the doctors could not find a way to remove it, he only had a couple more months to live. His family was devastated, but remained positive to let him live a good life during his last months. In December, my parents visited him on his deathbed. "It was not something you would have wanted to see," they said, "he was in very bad shape and his skin was sagging from mal-absorption of nutrients." Upon hearing this, I wanted to cry. How could something like this, just happen without a warning? From this experience within my family, I learned that unexpected things could happen at anytime, whether it be death or a natural disaster, but there is nothing you can do if it has happened.

As a teenager, I learned to be independent, and to gradually lead my own life. My parents have helped me tremendously with this, by subtly letting me learn how to do things on my own. They even ACT stupid so I could teach them. Though I easily and often get annoyed of them for doing this, I know they are doing it for the best of me. In the future, I would have to pay my own bills, buy my own house, buy a car, and raise a family. I was born in a country of rights and freedom, and I'm glad I am being taught how to make use of it.

I've learned in my years as a young child to dream big. It is normal that children often have big imaginations and big dreams that are often impossible to achieve. When I was young, I dreamed of being a surgeon. Considering the time and financial situation my family is in, the probability of my dream to come true is a 5 out of 10. But reaching for that goal would get me as far as I possibly could go, which would satisfy me enough to know that I have tried my best. Why should one dream small? It's almost like enclosing yourself into a small box, with nowhere far to venture. Walt Disney once had a dream that all started with a mouse that eventually grew into the happiest place on Earth as we know it today.

Growing as a baby, I know that I have fell many times before, but my failure had encouraged me to try harder and become better with every step I took. As a kindergartner, I struggled with English. I still remembered a time when I could not understand the rules the teacher went through and struggled in my behavior as well. Many teachers thought that perhaps I had problems. But with the practice and encouragement from my family, I was finally able to ask questions and participate in discussions among friends. It was then I learned that the only failure was giving up. You can never get up without falling.

Throughout our lives, we learn and cherish from experiences and stories, and the things we learn from them are what we apply into our lives to strengthen ourselves. Those that impact us the most are those that we would never forget. Perhaps experiencing things ourselves is what makes us who we are to this day.

Monday, 10 August 2009

Really?

Two more days until band camp!
But I'm not looking forward to it anymore, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just scared of the heat. But I think it's mainly seeing the people I don't want to see again. To be honest, I've never disliked band. It's just the people that get to me, and of course the drama. Some of the people need to grow up, but I guess the whole point of the program is to make people grow. But some people are unable to let that sink into their minds.
I'm not trying to say that they're all immature, but some people....just some people...really get on my nerves. I guess I'm just going to turn into a loner this year.
Or maybe I just got used to being alone all summer.
The music for the field show this year looks really hard, but I think it should sound pretty epic if we can play it right. I'm kinda scared to hear my band director yelling like a madman again x___x.
The show's called 3 Faces of Love. My band director wrote about the story on the website, but I really don't understand it. The songs are called Heroic Love, A Father's Love, and Romantic Love. I seriously tried figuring out some of the rhythms, but really, some stuff I can't even figure out. Thank god the ballad is easy as hell! -.-

Ha, my parents are saying stuff about people in band about how lazy they are. Because some people keep dropping out of honor classes. It's not really their problem, they probably just can't handle things very well. -.-
That's what I get for having Asian parents. It means summer classes in those Asian centers. Is preparing for Algebra 2 even that necessary? They were even thinking about preparing me for PSAT, oh my god. -__- I understand if you want to pay a thousand bucks for an SAT class, but really? A PRE-SAT class? Wow...
They got my sister to order a PSAT book for me, but being that my sister has gone through the whole process of high school, she just ordered an SAT book for me since PSAT wasn't that important. Guess what? My parents got pretty mad at her.

I've written a schedule down for my English summer assignment, as long as I stick to it, then I should have no problem getting it done. The books aren't really that bad as people have been saying they are. Anyone ever read Night by Elie Wiesel, and Farewell to Manzanar? They're good books to read, as long as I learn. Night talks about the Jews and the Holocaust and Farewell to Manzanar talks about the Japanese living in the camps during World War II. I'm just re-reading everything again just so I understand and because I have no other books to read.

Has anyone ever watched the drama 1 Litre of Tears? I just watched it last week. It was a really sad! (don't wanna talk about how much I cried because that would just be embarrassing). I don't normally watch dramas, but I try and watch whatever my friends recommend. This time, it was good.